Dalton Tanonaka
Dalton Tanonaka is the CEO of The Indonesia Channel (TIC). The former CNN, CNBC and Metro TV news...

Love Me Tinder, Love Me True

27 Agustus 2016
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I’ve been Tinderized, and it feels pretty good.

When I finally yielded to office pleas recently to start using my iPhone after being a Motorola man since 2007, one helpful staff member decided to install the popular dating application while loading our e-mail icon.

I had heard of Tinder, but wasn’t sure how it could help the neglected social life of an over-50 bachelor. I found out faster than a Nikita Mirzani twerk.

The idea is make an online connection using a photo and a few descriptive profile lines. Friends told me that it was initially considered a “hook-up” app when it debuted in the U.S. in 2012, but that here in Indonesia it was less “meat” and more “meet.”

So I decided to give it an honest try, and posted an informal headshot along with one simple line of text. If someone “liked” me, they could swipe my page to the right. No interest and I would be swiped to the left. Communication is allowed only after both sides go with the same flow.

The responses came like a Vin Diesel movie, which was ego-boosting but not all satisfying. I understand I am a bit of a public figure, having anchored a regular news program on local television for eight years. So I expected the curious along with the serious.

“A lot of people know you so you’ll get some weirdos,” said a smart female friend who in her two years of Tinderplay collected more than 5,000 likes.

But still, I was at first disappointed. Like when a pretty “lawyer” said she had just lost her job and “may need some help.” I got the financial hint. Isn’t she supposed to know how to S-U-E?

When I asked another match what she does in her spare time, she said “I wash my car.” Fun.

And although I’m definitely not a prude, there were just a bit too many skin shots delivered for my taste. Women tell me up to 80% of the men who connect begin sending unsolicited close-ups of their private parts.

My 48-kilometer radius choices enticed me more with words than visuals. Like “Fla” who said she “likes ice cream” which set-up a Haagen Daz date. And “Cate” grabbed my attention by saying she is “a quirky monochromatic girl.” We may become business partners.

And I right-swiped one woman because her Indonesian name translates into “Misty” in my hometown Hawaiian language.

After just one week of Tinder titillation, I had enough and was happy to count my blessings and WhatsApp numbers. It’s actually a painless, convenient way to mingle without smoke and blaring house music. For those of you considering playing this digital mating game, here’s some humble advice from someone who remembers how it used to be done in newspaper “personal” ads:

-If you post several photos, place your best one FIRST. No one will get to the super hot fifth one if the opener sucks.

-Definitely use a photo. The app silhouette is not attractive.

-“Let my sensual fingers take you to a place of happiness” is not a smart profile line.

-Cover the tattoos on your cleavage.

-Saying you’re “not interested in one-night stands” means you are.

-Choose to be positive. “I hate all lying men” does not qualify.

-Funny is the new sexy. Make that person laugh with something like “I’m looking for someone who helps cause global warming” and you’ll surely earn a blue star “Super Like.”

-Focus on quality matches, not quantity, and you’ll be lunching with your Tinderella (or Tinderfella) by the weekend. Like I did.

*) Opini kolumnis ini adalah tanggungjawab penulis seperti tertera, tidak menjadi bagian tanggungjawab redaksi tirto.id.